Every once in a while his teacher sends me an email.  I can’t believe how much they surprise me.  I should know him.  I shouldn’t be shocked to hear that he learned how to lie.  I shouldn’t be laughing at my desk at his latest Drewism because I’ve heard him make the same comments before.  But I do.  I laugh, I gasp and I beam with pride.  I sometimes fill with frustration but usually, I smile and dream of the moment when I walk in the door.  He will yell my name and run to give me my hug.   My boy, so big yet so little.  So different but still the same.  I see him as others do now, but he will always be the boy I know better than anyone. 

It isn’t fair how adorable this child is.  I can’t get anything done cause Matty is so much fun to play with and be around.  He coo’s and ga ga’s.  He grabs his toes and shrieks with joy.  He snuggles me like a stuffed animal during feedings.  He places his hands around me or on my face and sighs.  Sometimes he even traces over the contours of my face as if trying to take it all in.  I am so in love!

Matthew isn’t stingy with his love, either.  If you hold him, he will make you feel like the most important person in the world.   He’ll smile up at you and coo.  Ugh.  He is too good at this baby thing.  But, he is eager to grow up.  He is sitting up and pulling to stand.  He wants to go just like his big brother.  I have no doubt he will be doing everything sooner than he should.  He would run after Drew right now, if only his body would only cooperate.  We had Matthew baptized a couple of weeks ago.  It was so wonderful to share him with our family.  His cousins all wanted to hold him.

I won’t lie, it is overwhelming at times.  Drew is still insanely jealous and Matty is very needy.  We tried to take him off of his reflux medicine the last week and that was a big mistake.  The discomfort sent him to bed early and there was no waking him.  So, Mommy went back to being up all night long.  But, despite the tough times and sleepless nights, we are so very blessed to have our boys in our lives.

Happy 4 months, Matty!  We love growing with you!

But on your 5th birthday, finding words, even huge, 20 year-old mature, college sophomore words, comes with ease and frequency…but your pitch, while singing the theme song to Indiana Jones, could use a little work.

I still think your are musically gifted but it is enthusiasm that has your, “duh duh DAH dah,”  going a bit too far into the soprano range.  I smile with pride because I am the reason for your unabashed joy.  I am throwing you a pool party.

As you sing and leap around the living room, your daddy and I giggle to ourselves.  How far you have come in 5 years.  I can’t believe there was a time when I cried about your development because you, my love, are nothing short of amazing.  So very smart, so frustratingly observant (can’t get a thing past you), and so darn grown. This last year, you’ve become much more emotional, giving in to tears not only during sad times but also during happiness,  pride, embarrassment.

It has been an emotional few weeks.  When you turned 4, you asked us to give you a little brother.  He is now a very loved fixture in your life, which was not really a surprise.  You wanted him so badly, we just knew you would be instant buddies.  We didn’t expect to see you in a new light when we brought him home.  It was like you grew, in that moment in time, by another year or two.  It both hurt and felt incredibly surreal.  Our baby is no more, he is a little boy.  One full of promise and potential but also one who has already achieved so much.

This week, you will graduate from preschool.  It seemed like a cruel joke to be signing your up for kindergarten the week we expected Matty to arrive.  It felt like closing a chapter with you and opening it with him.  For you, this is a whole new adventure that begins with this August and continues for the next 13 years.  I know you will enjoy it.  You admit to being scared now but you will find your place in this new world and beam with pride from all of your accomplishments.  You love the taste of success and you will have a healthy portion.

You make us so proud each and every day, Andrew.  You have always been so very loved and wanted in our lives from the day you were born and continuing every day since.  We want so much for you and are so blessed to be part of this exciting journey.

Happy birthday, sweet, darling boy.  May this next year lead to more independence, more exciting adventures and many, many more smiles.  We love you.

 He is precious and wonderful and *ahem* 11 weeks old today.  Sorry, been busy!

Matty came into the world in a hurry.  We were scheduled for an induction on March 10th and ended up running to the hospital the night before, at 5:45.  We arrived at 6:00 and he was born 15 minutes later.  They didn’t even have time to place the iv.   Poor Drew was frightened in the car when mommy shrieked through a contraction.  Luckily, my parents met us at the hospital and took care of Drew while we were rushed to L and D.  I wish it had happened a bit slower but I didn’t realize it was that bad until it was and then, it was over and he was in our arms. 

Drew was allowed into the room just minutes later and he helped with his first bath and the wonderful nurse let him choose the hat.  My parents were allowed in at this point as well.  It was a nice chance for everyone to meet him and for Matty to bond.  

Fast forward a few weeks and we are working to resolve Matt’s acid reflux and substantial eczema.  I have returned to work and my mom is caring for our darling boy.  I am pumping…not happily but I know he is worth the work and discomfort.

I didn’t feel like our family was complete until his arrival.  Matty fills a space that I felt in my heart.  My two boys are the lights of my life and Brian and I couldn’t be happier.

It was a snow day, which meant we were home from school.  We gathered around the family room television because we knew the launch was scheduled to take place.  Just seconds before the explosion, I was thinking about how exciting it all was…and how I would love to be the person explaining what was happening as the big ship lifted into the air.

After we realized what happened,  I cried and began feeling so sorry for the astronaut’s children who were probably watching as I was.  There could be no more horrible way to learn of your loved one’s death than to see it live on television or in person.  But while my brother and I were so saddened by what happened, I was also transfixed on the coverage.  I couldn’t get up.  I sat and watched for hours long after he went to play with his toys.  It was morbid, yet I wanted to hear from everyone and see their reactions.  I decided then and there that reporting was what I would do for a living.  My parents bought me a tape recorder so I could practice my interviews.  Eventually, I became a television reporter who had to seperate myself from tragedy.  It isn’t nearly as glamorous as it sounds.  Campus shootings, murders, death and despair.  I covered 13 years of horrible and wonderful events.  9-11 was the worst for me.  Every American had to find a way to push their fears, saddness, and other personal emotions deep down while we kept moving.  Those in the news business never had the time to heal from our hurt, to call those we were concerned about.  We had to find a local angle – other than our own.

Now, 25 years later, I see these tragedies so much differently.  I think about each year that has passed and how difficult it must be for those left behind.  I think about the editorials and the one-liners and how hurtful they can be to the families.

Now that I am a parent, the worst mental image is that of my son’s depair.  The look on his face if he was to suffer such a loss.  It is heart wrenching, to say the least.  The feeling of being powerless to stop something bigger than us is so overwhelming to me.

In the last few years I covered news stories, they became so silly.  I hated  asking people how they felt after a tragedy.  I knew it was time for a change.  I still want to reach for a microphone when some big story happens, but I also want to send a check, condolences, something…ANYTHING to help those who are the victims.

It is so hard to understand why these things happen to anyone.  Yet, they do.  Every day. 

I remember the astronauts, the shooting victims, the families of tragedy.  I don’t remember all of their names, but I pray for them.  We all should for we are still here and are blessed to enjoy all we do each day.

After several rounds of antibiotics, Bri and I were finally on the mend.  I joked about it being Andrew’s turn again…damn it! When will I learn?  So, now he has a stuffy nose and we are just days from Christmas.  

Andrew is not a big fan of a stuffy nose.  He finds it necessary to walk up to you, sleeping or awake, and attempt to breathe in and out of his nose.  His nasal passages will not let much pass so it is a noisey experience.  He likes to do this in the wee hours of the morning, just inches from my head.  He did it twice two nights ago and again, several times, last evening. 

Another perk of pregnancy – specifically 3rd trimester – is my inability to fall asleep easily.  I usually pass out immediately upon pillow touch-down, but if I wake to pee or blow my own nose (or a certain someone’s) it takes a while to get back to slumbertown.  Try as I might, I couldn’t get back there the last two nights.  I think this is God’s way of preparing me for the infant, scheduled to arrive in 12 or less weeks.  If I can only sleep 3 or 4 hours at a time now, maybe that will make it easier when it is 2-3 hours in a few months?

These are the thoughts of a seriously sleep-deprived mommy.

Baby boy is already measuring 2 lbs 9 ounces (give or take) and I have lost 2 lbs so far this pregnancy.  I am not trying to lose, but given the baby is growing beautifully and all measurements look great, the doctor says, “carry on!”  We are 28 weeks this week.

In other news, we didn’t make enough Christmas cards.  I sent one to nearly everyone who sent one to us and to most of our family and friends.  But, there are some people I would love to share this with, so here you go!

Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

What is wrong with my body?  Why isn’t it able to meet the demands of this growing child inside of me?   Did I eat too many mini-candy bars at Halloween?  Did two months without exercise cause a problem?  It was tough to get active with bronchitis….but I should have.

Everything I see online tells me this isn’t my fault.  The baby and all important placenta are creating hormones that counteract insulin.  So, my pancreas has to create 3x the amount it usually does.  It isn’t cutting it.  Close, but close doesn’t count.  It has nothing to do with what I have eaten this last 6 months.  It just is.  So, I have had to begin a low-carb regimine at my favorite food time of year, Thanksgiving-through-Christmas.  A time when I love to bake cookies with my son, make pies, pasta, hot cocoa. 

It will be fine, we’ll survive.  I’ll diet, I’ve had lots of practice throughout my life.  The baby is the one who matters and I will do whatever I have to for him.

“Yes?”

“What is preschool like?

Drew and I have started this game where I pretend to be his little brother and he practices answering some of life’s most important questions…well, to a 4 year-old.

He asks to play this game all of the time and some of the things he tells his brother are SO adorable.  Yesterday, he told him about his family and the things he said brought me to tears.  He told him that his mommy and daddy are so loving, give him lots of hugs and kisses.  He said we buy him surprises and take him places to make him feel special.   You never think your child notices the things you do, but he proved that he does notice and that he feels safe and happy.  That was such a special moment for me.

It is also so heartwarming to know that he really wants to be a part of his brother’s life.  He told his brother about various activities he enjoys and that he will teach him how to do all of these things.

He is going to be an amazing big brother.   He already is.

My parents had a loner SUV while their car was in for recall repairs.  They were able to get to Drew.  I spent two hours driving around Brunswick County turning off roads when I couldn’t get through.  I did drive through some areas where water flowed like a river.  I knew it was dangerous, but I wanted to get home so badly.  It was dark and pouring…there was no where to stop and wait.

We all made it home safely and the water had receded by morning.  We went back to our normal schedule.  Then the rain started again and I couldn’t bring myself to drive through moving water a second time.  I turned the car around and stayed home with my boy.

Today, we are home during the tropical storm.  Roads are closed and we are waiting it all out from the comfort of our home.

But, now comes an even bigger fear…..what do you do with a 4 year old who hasn’t been outside all week???

I thought I might let him play in the rain, until a neighbor found a snake fighting the current…I can’t tell the difference between a poisonous snake and harmless one but the bright orange color scares me.  So, we’re staying in.

Yesterday we took every toy and soft surface I could think of and constructed an obstacle course.  It kept Drew entertained for several hours and gave me a way to get the energy out!

Now, for today…